"Lions 10; Christians 0" commented a friend when contemplating the challenges and losses around me.

While my personal situation pales in comparison to the early Christians being fed to the lions for Roman entertainment, it's been a brutal few months on many levels.

At Hagar, confronting evil is an occupational hazard. As noble as our work sounds to many, to the ugly and powerful few, we are a threat. Evil fights back and fights dirty. Then there are more practical challenges such as insufficient funding for some of our projects resulting in staff cutbacks and reduced client services. Tensions between needing to be on a plane somewhere else and being a Father at home. A vacation that never really happened. Death, serious illness, family conflicts and financial stress within the extended family. Facing difficult conversations with colleagues and tough choices around complex human tragedies.

I'd rather be invisible for a while.

Been there? Exhausted? Out of options? Weary of disappointing others? Yes, we've all been there!

For one outstanding national employee last month, it meant resigning her job to step out of the battles for a season. She and her family want a break from the threats to her own security and emotional toll from the brutal realities of our clients (vicarious trauma.) She wants a peaceful night's sleep. I understand her. I've been there. I also know there is a time for rest - I've been there too.

Lions 11: Christians 0

Another employee, an expatriate and senior leader found themselves served with kidnapping charges in what was really a custody battle to protect a child witness from the accused pedophile. It is very scary for a person to face criminal charges in a foreign court system - we want to be parents to our kids not cell mates with those we've helped lock away! When the charges were finally cleared in her favor months later, we reflected with friends over a glass of wine. She chose to stand in a dangerous place to protect a child while leading her team and being a Mom. Sometimes being in vulnerable exhausting places is exactly where we belong for a while.

Lions 12: Christians 0

But the story doesn't end when we are exhausted. Gideon is my hero for the overwhelmed and weary. (And David is my poet.) A farm hand, and self-described as "the least important" guy around (Judges 6) he's doing what he can to secretly hide vital food supplies from raiding tribes. Gideon is feeling rather small when an angel shows up and calls him " Mighty Warrior." Not exactly feeling like a Mighty Warrior, he launches into a monologue along the lines of " where is God in all this mess?"

It's the angel's answer that resonates so deeply with me. " Go in the strength that you have."

Today I'm weary. Feeling about as sturdy as over cooked pasta and safe as a mouse in a snake house. But whatever "strength that I have" it will be sufficient for today's battles in God's hands.

To all the Mighty Warriors of Hagar, its okay to feel afraid and weary. The outcome is not dependent on the measure of our strength today.

Just go in the strength that you have!

And send me some dead lion stories when during your breaks in the battle.